The Lights Are On, But Nobody’s Homeo
In order to help in the understanding of homeopathy, a whole bunch of concerned citizens, anxious to spread some understanding into the mysterious world of homeopathic thinking, came up with some definitions. It illustrates how homeopathy looks to rational thinkers as much as anything I’ve seen. It also enables me to link to some of the Bad Science blogs that I have been reading lately.
Homeapathy : 1 The belief that, while he has made some very cogent points, Ben should pick on someone else. 2) Not bothering to take your placebos.
Homeostasis : Complete inability to absorb new information.
Disprovings : Drinking water in laboratory controlled conditions, and Absolutely Nothing Happening.
Homeapethy : Treating large hairy primates with infinitesimal dilutions of nothing in particular.
Homeogeneous : Similar in nature, eg all homeopathic preparations are homeogeneous as “there’s nowt in ’em.”
Homeosexual : A proclivity for sleeping with alternative practitioners.
Homeophonics : Changing the definition of words to justify your delusion.
Homeocide : Using homeopathy to treat meningitis.
Homeologue : Reaction of a CAM practitioner to rational arguments.
Homeobath : Running out of soap.
HIFIopathy : Hawking expensive MP3s to the confused.
Avogoogolplex constant: 6.03 x 10 to the twenty third (to the two hundred and thirtieth.)
Psycheopath (n) (i) One possessed with an homeopathological hatred of all that is not homeopathy. (ii) pretty much all of them then.
Homeopathetic : adj. Homeopathalogically consistent (see homeopathological – adj.)
homeopathological : adj. Evidence-free.
Homeothermic : The body temperature that results after reliance on homeopathic remedies. Ambient temperature.
Homeoeroticism : The excitement felt by homeo sapiens during an act of self-potentisation.
Homeorary Degree : they cost less on the internet.
Garden Hoe : Herbalist / Homeopath hybrid.
Homeungous: Quite small.
Homeo & Juliet : Heartwarming modern retelling of the previously miserable Shakespeare play. In it, Homeo attempts to kill himself with a 100C dilution of poison, which surprisingly fails to kill him despite its high potency. Homeo eventually gets over his malaise and finds out that Juliet is alive, and they live reasonably happily ever after, although in all honesty their relationship turns out to be slightly less exciting once the initial thrill of forbidden love is over.
Homi-er than thou : Patronising and dismissive response to anyone suggesting a homextremist might be slightly wrong about anything at all. Ever.
Ad-homeo : Responding to legitimate enquiries as to the efficacy of homoepathy by questioning the ethics, funding, parentage and sexual proclivity of the enquirer; “You might claim that there is no peer reviewed double blind placebo controlled trial evidence proving the efficacy of homeopathic remedies, but my dad can fight your dad, smelly bum, so neeuuuur !”
Homyopia : n. selective eyesight, to not see the evidence.
Homeopoly : A board game where all the properties are water works, and buying them actually doesn’t achieve anything.
Homeungus : Invisibly large (or largely invisible).
Homeolysis : Splitting of a group into two factions, one claiming science has proven them right and the other claiming science can’t prove them right or wrong.
‘At Homeo‘ : Genteel society party with no guests.
Homeo keys : Used to locate the fingers on the keyboard so as to be able to type without looking at the facts.
Homeotmosphere : The tenuous gas layer existing above the Thermosphere.
Homeor Simpson : “Water! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems!”
Frontal Homeotomy : Deliberate removal or interference with the region of the brain involved in rationalisation.
diHydrogen Homeoxide : The panacae, Lord God of Homeopaths : The Giver of Life.
The Homeo Counties – a region in the South East of England surrounding London where bored middle-class humanities graduates play Doctors and Nurses on their neurotic neighbours.
Homeoptics : The art of only seeing what you want to see.
Hom-burger : Bread bun without anything in it.
Homeophonic : Simultanoeus high pitched whining noise of victimhood made by all homeopaths.
Homeonym : words used by homeopaths that have different meanings from their standard scientific or everyday usage, like nano, quantum, energy, cure, evidence, truth, ethics, credibility.
Homeospun : Homeopathic evidence.
Homanities graduate : University graduate who hasn’t a clue what science is.
Homeo sickness : The period before homeocide.
Succussion : The act of deposing and replacing an old homeopath by repeatedly banging their head against something hard until they give up.
Homo homeo sapiens : A new species of mankind with special hypochondriac powers.
Hom-burg : An infinitessimally small hat.
Homeo erectus : (Lat: Upright Quack) 1) n: prehistoric missing link 2) adj: under endowed.
Homeocracy : Very economical system of electing a government where millions of voters all use the same vote, on the same voting slip, at the same time, in the same place…
Ice 9 : Type of water with a memory.
Thanks to the following for all their ideas, which I have gleefully nicked, including the title.